the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
