I want to have your abortion
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
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