My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
