Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
