So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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