Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
