I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
