I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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