Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
