I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
