Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
