well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
