I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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