I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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