i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
