Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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