She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
