So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
