I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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