Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My vagina is officially offended.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
