I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize