my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
even my farts smell like vagina
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
