Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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