I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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