Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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