So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
