She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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