Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
