You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
