I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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