nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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