one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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