I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
