I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
