I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
