Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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