Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
