Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
