no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
