We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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