Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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