I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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