And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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