Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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