A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
