I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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