At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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