omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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