I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
