Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
