i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
