the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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