When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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