yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize