Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
