So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
