i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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