Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
