i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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