So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
