Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
