I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
