I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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