We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
