When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
