Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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