can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
