So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
