brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
