i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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