i just wanna soil my oats bro
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
