i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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