They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
