He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
