Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
