Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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