did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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