I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
