I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm both gender and math confused
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
