he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
