Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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