she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
