Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
