My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize