So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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