FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
