And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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