So drunk its hurt
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
