I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
