You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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