Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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