I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
