You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
