You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
