And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
