Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
