Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
