I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
