Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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