Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
