so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
