he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
