As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
