its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize