fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
