He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
