your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
