Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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