I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
