im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
there's paper in my vomit.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
