Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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