you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
