She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
