i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
