Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
